ELITETRACK is making this public service announcement to preserve the knees of every human being on the planet. Thousands of knees have been spontaneously combusting, disintegrating, or outright disappearing each day. Researchers at ELITETRACK have recently confirmed reports that some extremely dangerous activities have been linked to these problems. These activities include but are not limited to:
- Walking or running down stairs
- Walking or running down an incline
- Moving from a standing to a kneeling position
- Standing up from a seated position
- Competition Olympic lifts
- High bar deep squats
The common denominator in all these activities is that the knee dangerously passes the plane of the toes. If you partake in any of these activities and value the use of your knees please stop performing these activities immediately. For your safety we recommend that you remain seated as much as possible. If you are currently seated please do not stand up. Call your local emergency service provider and alert them of your perilous situation. I repeat, whatever you do, DO NOT STAND UP. If at some point in your life you feel as if you must move from your seated position we advise you to use a wheelchair, preferably one with a motor so that you don't hurt your shoulder, elbow or wrist joints.